STORY: Jebediah and the Cheeseburger – Chapter 3

Posted: November 12, 2010 in Short Stories

The Indian girl slapped Jebediah across the face.

“Snap out of it, boy!”  Jebediah stopped yelling and took a deep breath so he wouldn’t cry in front of the tough Indian girl.  He didn’t want her to think he was a pansy.

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe it.  Are you sure we’re in Canada?” Jebediah asked.

The Indian girl picked up some meat from the trash can next to her and shoved it in Jebediah’s mouth.

“Does that answer your question?” she asked.  Jebediah made a disgusting face.

“Canadian bacon?! EW!” He spit out the 8-day old bacon.

“What’s wrong with Canada anyway?” The Indian girl asked.  “This country has done a lot for the world.”

“Like what?” Jebediah asked.

“Like…” The Indian girl hesitated.  “Shut up! Canadians are nice people, okay! They gave you Maple Syrup!”

“Okay, okay, jeez!” Jebediah said.  “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Lulu,” the Indian girl answered.

“Well, Lulu, will you help me get back home?”

“I don’t know…what’s in it for me?” Lulu asked.

“You’ll be helping someone in need. I thought you said Canadians are nice people.”

“I’m not Canadian, you fool!  I just live here.  Give me your shoes, and I’ll make that cheeseburger wish he was never born,” Lulu said.

Jebediah looked down at his new Willy Wonky chocolate shoes with sadness.  They still had some dog poop on them.

“Fine,” Jebediah said as he took them off and handed them to Lulu.  She put them on with a big smile, except they were 4 sizes too big, so she looked like a clown.  A Willy Wonka clown.

“Lets go,” Lulu said, “I saw him go this way.  But we have to hurry because I have to get home soon.  Dr. Phil starts at 4:00pm.”

Lulu and Jebediah began walking in the direction that the cheeseburger escaped.  Lulu stopped by the trash can.

“What’s wrong?” Jebediah asked.

“Do you smell that?” Lulu asked.

“Smell what?”  Suddenly, a small dark object shot up out of the trash can and hit both Lulu and Jebediah.

“Baaaaah!  Gotcha!”  It was the cheeseburger, except now he was all black because he had been grilled and burnt by the fire in the trash can.  And he also had some dog poop on him.  The disguised cheeseburger grabbed Lulu and Jebediah with his lettuce hands.

“Who wants to go bye-bye?” the cheeseburger said.

“I’ll bye-bye your face in a second!” Lulu yelled.  The cheeseburger spit pickles at Lulu’s eyes.

“Aaah!  I can’t see!  Do something, boy!” she yelled.  Jebediah growled like a lion and took a big bite out of the cheeseburger.

“Oow! You’ll pay for that, Jebediah!”   The cheeseburger was really angry now.  He had a big hole in his head.  He suddenly sang an ancient Japanese chant.

“Thanas soonas sooneechee!” A flash of green light with pink polka dots filled the sky.  The day turned into night.  Jebediah saw a carriage pass by in front of them, with people dressed strangely sitting inside.

“Where are we?” Lulu asked after she took the pickles off of her eyes.

“You mean WHEN are we?” Jebediah asked with fear, but trying to hide his fear so Lulu wouldn’t think he was a pansy.

“Muah ha ha ha!” the cheeseburger cackled. “I forgot to mention, I’m ALSO a time machine! SUCKA! Juked again! Ha ha!”



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