STORY: Jebediah and the Cheeseburger – Chapter 1

Posted: September 25, 2010 in Short Stories

Jebediah jumped down from the tree and landed in a pile of mud.  He began wiping the mud off his feet until he realized that it was actually dog poop that he had landed in.

“Jebediah…” a voice whispered.  Jebediah turned to search for the source of the whisper, but no one else was at the park.  It was still only 9:00am on a sunny Saturday morning.  Everyone in BonBonville was still asleep or moping around their house probably looking for old Cheese-Its under the couch.

“Jebediah…” the voice said again. This time it was louder and it sounded like a fat jolly Black man. Jebediah noticed a big juicy cheeseburger sitting on the ground next to the dog poop he had just stepped in.  He got a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He knew that cheeseburger was not there before.

“Jebediah, come hither,” said the cheeseburger.

“What the fudgestickle?!” Jebediah shouted and jumped back.

“Now you know it isn’t proper to curse, lad,” the cheeseburger replied.

“Don’t tell me what to do you fat lard!” Jebediah yelled.  He tried to act tough with the burger, but deep down he was shitting bricks.

“Don’t you want to have a bite?  I know you want to.  I’m very delicious and I know how much you love cheeseburgers.  Well, I’m the best-tasting burger in the world!”  Now the cheeseburger was losing it.  He cackled like a sissy witch.

“You’re a piece of junk!  I’m gonna trash you and go eat some REAL food – like broccoli, or tuna!”  Jebediah ran over to the cheeseburger and picked it up off the ground.  As he ran over to the trash can, he felt a tingle all over his body.  He looked up and noticed he was now running in a marketplace in China…or India.  Jebediah couldn’t tell.

The cheeseburger cackled again like a little sissy girl who just stole a Malibu Barbie doll.

“Where am I?” Jebediah said, looking at the Eurasian dude next to him with fear.

“Gotcha sucka!” the cheeseburger laughed, “I’m a high class teleportation device and I just juked you GOOD!  Oh SNAP!”


Tune in next time to find out what happens to Jebediah in this strange Chinese-Indian country.


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